By Joshua Chibuike Akwudike
My industry colleague and friend, Coach Tusky said, "marriage doesn't define the identity of a child. Because whether married or not, it takes a man and a woman to have a child". How true are her words!
Regardless of the country, tribe, or continent one may come from. Regardless of the existing traditions over children born out of wedlock, a child is owned by their parents whether they are legally married or not. Parenting is not determined by marriage but by sperm. It takes marriage to be a husband or a wife. But it takes only love-making to be a father or a mother.
I understand that in some parts of our continent, some existing traditions state that a child who is born out of wedlock belongs to the single mother and her side of the family except the man pays her bride price.
While I respect the traditions of our continent, I must state here that the paternity and ownership of a child aren't determined by the bride price or traditions, but by the biological parents. Whether married or not, that child has a father. The father shouldn't be denied access to his/her child because by an act of responsibility he owes that child parenting.
I am a relationship counselor and marriage coach and I don't advocate childbirth outside wedlock. I believe that all children deserve to be born and raised in a marital union where they have two parents happily married. That's God's position on good parenting. However, should that not happen, both parents whether married or not, should ensure that their child is taken care of.
The reality on the ground also shows that not all men accept responsibility for children born out of wedlock. Some deny paternity. In such a case, the single mother should face it and move on.
No woman or traditions should deny a child his right to his father whether that father has married his mother or not because paternity is not determined by traditions but by a sperm.
In a case where the father denies paternity and responsibility of the child, then you can assume total ownership and responsibility. Then your family can have total control over the child.
Dear ladies, these are some facts you have to deal with these days:
1) Intimacy outside wedlock is WRONG
2) Pre-marital intimacy is not synonymous with true love.
3) Being pregnant for a man may not culminate into marriage with that man.
4) Some men only want intimacy, not a real love relationship and marriage but they won't tell you.
5) Some men need just a baby mama and not a wife.
Dear ladies, when you make love outside wedlock, you put yourselves at the receiving end in that love relationship. You stand to lose everything whereas the man stands to lose nothing. A man who has kids outside wedlock can easily marry those kids whereas it might not be easy for a lady with kids out of wedlock to do the same. The African society still berates a lady with kids outside marriage. Can you now see why you shouldn't do some things in a love relationship?
Dear single men, it's wrong to make love outside wedlock. Intimacy is exclusive of marriage. Why would you get a lady pregnant and would not want to marry her? Why would you get a lady pregnant and would deny responsibility and paternity? Where is your honor? Where is your conscience? If you won't marry the lady you got pregnant with, at least accept the responsibility and paternity of that child. No child should live without knowing his father. A word is enough for the wise. Many thanks for reading, commenting, liking, and sharing.
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